The mouse story 24.7.2020
One day a mouse went out to get some cheese .But then there was a trap. He was a bit of a smart Mouse he went down on a piece of string. Someone was coming and he got worried he pressed a button on his pocket. He flew back up into the air, he got the cheese and he shared the cheese with his family but it wasn't enough cheese ! it was only his wife so he went back to get some more cheese there was another trap .he was on string again this time he was smart enough to get four
pieces a cheese the whole family came he was really quick press the button on his pocket he flew up into the air and then the family had a nice tea .
Hey Connor, I really like this story especially how he was so clever that he managed to get cheese for his whole family. Just make sure of the format when you put something onto your blog because you have a bit of a gap up the top and there is a few parts where there are too many spaces between words.
ReplyDeleteHi I'm Sahil from Yaldhurst Model School! I enjoyed the part when you put in the funny picture of a mouse hanging on a string. It looked like he was going to fall. How did he fly back? Did he have wings?
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your blog post I think it is good but I do see a few mistakes in the middle of your sentences. There is a capital letter in the middle of your sentence which is a little weird and you make your sentences extremely long. Maybe next time you could check through before publishing your writing and you can get lots of feedback from the blog post. How long did this take to write this story? I really enjoyed it. From Sahil :)